Poison

"Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die." -Buddha

Today I had a little melt down, I cried, ehm, but it felt good to get it out you know. I needed to let go of some emotions. And as I'm feeling like crap I'm thinking I'm to old for this shit, I'm turning 25 years old soon and here i sit by myself feeling sorry for myself basically. I don't know it's hard to explain how I feel exactly. Lets just say without giving away too much details, I feel a little lost...lost in myself. I blame myself for not being a 100% ME sometimes. I wish I could be more brave, more out-spoken and funny like I am at home in Sweden. I feel lonely even though I'm surrounded by people that love me, many of them far away but it doesn't matter. And I hate myself for feeling that way. I'm focused on the wrong things. I'm too old to care about irrelevant shit, I'm too old to feel sorry for myself.
I'm confused, lost and don't know what I'm supposed to do and how I'm supposed to behave. 
Maybe I'm just in a weird funk right now...I hope so. I need to get my spark back!
I just really miss my friends back home, and my family. My old life. Where everything is a smooth sailing. Starting over is a challenge.
I must stay strong and not feel defeated or lost. Not forget that I have my love, Jason who is my best friend as well. And he reminds me of how much he loves me everyday, I have to remember that I AM...blessed. And to be honest that is pretty much...all....I...need.

Got this really cute button down blouse from Cesilia, my very first ASOS Curve piece that I'm getting to wear. yay. It is so comfortable and flattering and of course super cute with it's flower pattern. Also highly recommend F21+'s basic knit leggings, they are often out of stock, and that is probably because they are AWESOME!!! the best essential piece, and the feel, fit and price is a done deal! A must buy! I bought two pairs lol. Thanks for reading and sorry for my pity party! Love you all!
Button down blouse from ASOS CURVE gifted, a White top under, Black leggings from Forever21 plus size, cap toe flats from Payless shoes, Bag from Shop in China Town, Scarf from Norstrom. 

Comments

Angie garcia said…
Sötaste Jenni, det kan vara sådär ibland att alla tankarna är i krig i ens huvud och man känner sig helt hjälplös i ovissheten av vad livet är. Men försök att ta vara på dom små fina saker, dina fina kläder, din sötaste Jason eller en fin blomma hehe Vi här hemma tänker på dig alltid och tycker du är jättemodig som följde dina drömmar och flyttade till USA! Vi saknar dig självklart och hoppas se dig när du kommer på besök =) you are fabulous and everybody thinks so ;) massa kramar fr. Angie!
Malene said…
I can only try to imagine how hard it must be to be so far away from everything you know. I know you have Jason and his family there, but it's just not the same - and that's okay!
I know the feeling, even though I'm sure the feeling is not the same. After all I only live 2,5 hours away from my family here i Denmark. But I guess; when you miss someone it doesn't really matter how far away they might be. The difference is, that I can easily (when I don't have to study og work) go back home.

What I wanted to tell you is, that no one can blame you for having bad days. And that I admire you so much - I don't think I could ever do the same.

Hugs!
Unknown said…
Love the blouse, cute outfit.


--
Shanice,

Please Check Out My Blog www.shanicexoxo.info
Anonymous said…
It's completely okay to feel this way sometimes, no one is ever too old to worry or have bad days/weeks/months.

The important thing is to let yourself wallow and feel sorry for as long as you want and then really examine theses feelings and the reasons why they are occuring and take practical steps to solve them one at a time.

I know it must be so hard to start all over again but really think of the reasons why you left your old life behind, it'll help spur you on.

Wish you all the best.

xx
kiddotrue said…
it's okay to feel down about this sometimes. but you obviously have a good head on your shoulders, great perspective and a loving support system. this is such a huge life change and you should be super proud of yourself for being so brave. and looking gorgeous while doing it!
Kristel Knows said…
You guys really make me feel so much better! Thank you so much for all your sweet sweet and encouraging comments. Love you all! <3 I'm blessed to have you all reading and commenting my blog, so nice and sweet of you all! I'll never forget your support :) Lots of love!

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