Poison
"Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die." -Buddha
Today I had a little melt down, I cried, ehm, but it felt good to get it out you know. I needed to let go of some emotions. And as I'm feeling like crap I'm thinking I'm to old for this shit, I'm turning 25 years old soon and here i sit by myself feeling sorry for myself basically. I don't know it's hard to explain how I feel exactly. Lets just say without giving away too much details, I feel a little lost...lost in myself. I blame myself for not being a 100% ME sometimes. I wish I could be more brave, more out-spoken and funny like I am at home in Sweden. I feel lonely even though I'm surrounded by people that love me, many of them far away but it doesn't matter. And I hate myself for feeling that way. I'm focused on the wrong things. I'm too old to care about irrelevant shit, I'm too old to feel sorry for myself.
I'm confused, lost and don't know what I'm supposed to do and how I'm supposed to behave.
Maybe I'm just in a weird funk right now...I hope so. I need to get my spark back!
I just really miss my friends back home, and my family. My old life. Where everything is a smooth sailing. Starting over is a challenge.
I must stay strong and not feel defeated or lost. Not forget that I have my love, Jason who is my best friend as well. And he reminds me of how much he loves me everyday, I have to remember that I AM...blessed. And to be honest that is pretty much...all....I...need.
Got this really cute button down blouse from Cesilia, my very first ASOS Curve piece that I'm getting to wear. yay. It is so comfortable and flattering and of course super cute with it's flower pattern. Also highly recommend F21+'s basic knit leggings, they are often out of stock, and that is probably because they are AWESOME!!! the best essential piece, and the feel, fit and price is a done deal! A must buy! I bought two pairs lol. Thanks for reading and sorry for my pity party! Love you all!
Button down blouse from ASOS CURVE gifted, a White top under, Black leggings from Forever21 plus size, cap toe flats from Payless shoes, Bag from Shop in China Town, Scarf from Norstrom.
Comments
I know the feeling, even though I'm sure the feeling is not the same. After all I only live 2,5 hours away from my family here i Denmark. But I guess; when you miss someone it doesn't really matter how far away they might be. The difference is, that I can easily (when I don't have to study og work) go back home.
What I wanted to tell you is, that no one can blame you for having bad days. And that I admire you so much - I don't think I could ever do the same.
Hugs!
--
Shanice,
Please Check Out My Blog www.shanicexoxo.info
The important thing is to let yourself wallow and feel sorry for as long as you want and then really examine theses feelings and the reasons why they are occuring and take practical steps to solve them one at a time.
I know it must be so hard to start all over again but really think of the reasons why you left your old life behind, it'll help spur you on.
Wish you all the best.
xx